En fin berättelse, i tre delar.
Del 3.
This is for you
If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain - This is for you
The first morning of spring in the park. The smell in the air is fresh and full of promise and new beginings. You feel as if you could start your life all over again. A brand new start. And it will all be ok.
Do you know that feeling?
The bright sun after all the winter dull dark days on your face makes you feel good. Somehow I was blessed to feel this spring like joy all year round.
On grey days I smile. On wet days I sing. On black days and damp days and windy dark skied bleak days I could easily cry for joy.
Who was I to be so blessed?
I felt guilty because I had done nothing to deserve this precious gift.
I Discovered that in a busy place if you make yourself look busy, you can become invisible! I found myslef a big ladder and proceeded to disappear.
This is me now.
(Look, can you see?)
So young and so precious what will I be?
(Look into the future)
How will I seem then?
(Hold up a mirror and still the same face looks back)
But really not so different, only older, but still me.
To make me feel alive with life and love. Toes and around my ankles this water is deep enough. Sit on my ladder and feel the icy water flow between my. No stepping stones for me because I choose to.
What was important I don't know anymore.
What happens when you see less and less the good and more and more the bad? Is that when you begin to die?
I have this feeling of longing for something that will last. That will improve.
The thought of improvement gives me hope. Without hope I won't survive. I just want things to improve.
I promise that one day I will take you to the quietest places where all you can hear is the whistling of the wind through the air.
Don't just look at and enjoy the beauty of a glorious view. Look at every thing and see the goodness of it. Because it's all out there waiting for you. Straight hair and afrohair. Small boys and old women. Goldfish and whales. Deserts and glaciers. Elephants and little ants.
I promise that one day I will take you to the loudest places. I promise that one day I will take you to the highest places.
One bell will ring when you think of who I might be. One bell will ring when I dream a dream of good. One bell will ring when I am alone. One bell will ring when I think of who you might be. One bell will.
One bell will ring when I feel no hope. One bell will ring when I hold you in my arms. One bell will ring when from nothing something comes.
And so I painted and I drew and I cut out paper and all over town I left my messafes for you to one day find.
My home will have no windows, doors or floors. Nor bricks or mortar. I care naught of them.
My only home is in your arms.
Except perhaps in these many tiny scraps of dreams ond paper.
If I was thirsty would I draw a drink?
If I was homeless would I draw a house?
If I was hungry would I draw food?
If I was lonely would I draw a picture of you?
But what if I had everything that I could ever wnat? What would be left to draw, what left to say?
I don't know if I could bear that!
And day by day my world with more words and more dreams and my heart became a place where I could escape to and talk to you (who ever you might turn out to be) and hold you close.
And years from now I will resturn and see that wind and rain have washed these words away. But they stayed in my heart to this day and I put them in this book that is for you.
All these thoughts were of you. All of these dreams were of you. And my darling that lonely boy still lives inside me. I have not changed.
Those promises I made to you I will fulfil.
This is for you
If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain - This is for you
The first morning of spring in the park. The smell in the air is fresh and full of promise and new beginings. You feel as if you could start your life all over again. A brand new start. And it will all be ok.
Do you know that feeling?
The bright sun after all the winter dull dark days on your face makes you feel good. Somehow I was blessed to feel this spring like joy all year round.
On grey days I smile. On wet days I sing. On black days and damp days and windy dark skied bleak days I could easily cry for joy.
Who was I to be so blessed?
I felt guilty because I had done nothing to deserve this precious gift.
I Discovered that in a busy place if you make yourself look busy, you can become invisible! I found myslef a big ladder and proceeded to disappear.
This is me now.
(Look, can you see?)
So young and so precious what will I be?
(Look into the future)
How will I seem then?
(Hold up a mirror and still the same face looks back)
But really not so different, only older, but still me.
To make me feel alive with life and love. Toes and around my ankles this water is deep enough. Sit on my ladder and feel the icy water flow between my. No stepping stones for me because I choose to.
What was important I don't know anymore.
What happens when you see less and less the good and more and more the bad? Is that when you begin to die?
I have this feeling of longing for something that will last. That will improve.
The thought of improvement gives me hope. Without hope I won't survive. I just want things to improve.
I promise that one day I will take you to the quietest places where all you can hear is the whistling of the wind through the air.
Don't just look at and enjoy the beauty of a glorious view. Look at every thing and see the goodness of it. Because it's all out there waiting for you. Straight hair and afrohair. Small boys and old women. Goldfish and whales. Deserts and glaciers. Elephants and little ants.
I promise that one day I will take you to the loudest places. I promise that one day I will take you to the highest places.
One bell will ring when you think of who I might be. One bell will ring when I dream a dream of good. One bell will ring when I am alone. One bell will ring when I think of who you might be. One bell will.
One bell will ring when I feel no hope. One bell will ring when I hold you in my arms. One bell will ring when from nothing something comes.
And so I painted and I drew and I cut out paper and all over town I left my messafes for you to one day find.
My home will have no windows, doors or floors. Nor bricks or mortar. I care naught of them.
My only home is in your arms.
Except perhaps in these many tiny scraps of dreams ond paper.
If I was thirsty would I draw a drink?
If I was homeless would I draw a house?
If I was hungry would I draw food?
If I was lonely would I draw a picture of you?
But what if I had everything that I could ever wnat? What would be left to draw, what left to say?
I don't know if I could bear that!
And day by day my world with more words and more dreams and my heart became a place where I could escape to and talk to you (who ever you might turn out to be) and hold you close.
And years from now I will resturn and see that wind and rain have washed these words away. But they stayed in my heart to this day and I put them in this book that is for you.
All these thoughts were of you. All of these dreams were of you. And my darling that lonely boy still lives inside me. I have not changed.
Those promises I made to you I will fulfil.
En fin berättelse, i tre delar.
Del 2.
This is for you
If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain - This is for you
But do not despair because somewhere there is a heart that is beating that is meant just for you. And one day this will be the other heart that will beat inside of you.. And on that day you feel whole for the first time.
This heart will be growing and yearning as your heart grows and yearns. Somewhere somebody closer than you might think. Maby in this very aty or in a field a thousand miles away. But you must be patient and never despair. For one day you shall surely find each other.
Dearest reader,
I felt as if a giant stone had been lifted off my chest!
Can there be anything more wonderful than the emotion of relief? When you have feared for the worst and then things turn out to be not so bad after all. You feel as if you have been handed a brand new future to make whatever you want from it. A new life. A new start. You feel brave. You feel hope. Anything seems possible. You feel so alive that you want to stand on your head!
And you do.
So I did!
That night in my small bed in my small room I felt strangely at peace. Sandwiched between the stars and the earth I felt small and insignificant. I remembered once looking through the window of a plane and thinking how giant mountains seemed only as high as the ridges of your fingerprints and the deepest canyons hardly even seemed to scratch the surface.
It madeyou think 'What is all the fuss about'?
And I let the comfort of my own smallness hold me as if I fell asleep.
The following morning I climbed up to my window to wish the day a warm hello.
When you are a child the future always seems so far away. But now it seemed to have taken a giant leap nearer. What does a child know of love? I don't know. I had only just turned twelve, but still I as an old man writing, these reminiscences so many years later I can honestly say I felt no different at that age than I do today. That is to say as full of longing as I ever was.
You know you want to say something but what? You know you have to say something but how?
But nothing happens until you say the first word or write the first letter or cut the first line. And so I started...
I am not alone. I am not alone. I am not alone
You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone.
This is for you. This is for you. This is for you.
And it felt better
-----------------------------
Why does putting things down on a paper somehow make things seem more mangeable?
Is it because it is a constructive act when inside you feel destroyed?
Even though you may feel empty inside can it make you feel better by writing words? What kind of magic is this? And you look up at the stars and wonder. Is this how God felt when he created the universe?
enola ton ma I
This is for you
If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain - This is for you
But do not despair because somewhere there is a heart that is beating that is meant just for you. And one day this will be the other heart that will beat inside of you.. And on that day you feel whole for the first time.
This heart will be growing and yearning as your heart grows and yearns. Somewhere somebody closer than you might think. Maby in this very aty or in a field a thousand miles away. But you must be patient and never despair. For one day you shall surely find each other.
Dearest reader,
I felt as if a giant stone had been lifted off my chest!
Can there be anything more wonderful than the emotion of relief? When you have feared for the worst and then things turn out to be not so bad after all. You feel as if you have been handed a brand new future to make whatever you want from it. A new life. A new start. You feel brave. You feel hope. Anything seems possible. You feel so alive that you want to stand on your head!
And you do.
So I did!
That night in my small bed in my small room I felt strangely at peace. Sandwiched between the stars and the earth I felt small and insignificant. I remembered once looking through the window of a plane and thinking how giant mountains seemed only as high as the ridges of your fingerprints and the deepest canyons hardly even seemed to scratch the surface.
It madeyou think 'What is all the fuss about'?
And I let the comfort of my own smallness hold me as if I fell asleep.
The following morning I climbed up to my window to wish the day a warm hello.
When you are a child the future always seems so far away. But now it seemed to have taken a giant leap nearer. What does a child know of love? I don't know. I had only just turned twelve, but still I as an old man writing, these reminiscences so many years later I can honestly say I felt no different at that age than I do today. That is to say as full of longing as I ever was.
You know you want to say something but what? You know you have to say something but how?
But nothing happens until you say the first word or write the first letter or cut the first line. And so I started...
I am not alone. I am not alone. I am not alone
You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone.
This is for you. This is for you. This is for you.
And it felt better
-----------------------------
Why does putting things down on a paper somehow make things seem more mangeable?
Is it because it is a constructive act when inside you feel destroyed?
Even though you may feel empty inside can it make you feel better by writing words? What kind of magic is this? And you look up at the stars and wonder. Is this how God felt when he created the universe?
enola ton ma I
En fin berättelse, i tre delar.
Del 1.
This is for you
If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain - This is for you
When I was smaller. When I was a child. One minute worrying, the next not having a care. I woke up and got dressed and did all the things that you do all day.
All the feelings you feel all day long. Feeling scared and then feeling brave and then feeling scared again. All day long every thought and blink and fear. you only dare to share with yourself.
And then for the first time I begin to feel very alone.
I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought.
And still this feeling of being alone stayed and lingered inside me.
It's not that i feel alone because I have no friends. I have lots of friends.
I know that I have people who can hold me. And reassure me. And talk to me. And care for me. And think of me. But they can't be inside my head with me all the time - for all time.
I mean, well what I really mean I can't easily explain. Except in this thing called ME. That's the very problem - it is always just me. Myself alone. And it just isn't enough.
I tried to ask other people if they felt this way as well and they all said no, never, not at all... Until I felt as if I was going mad.
I cried and I screamed at the sky. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. But the clouds were indifferent to my tears and why should they care. They float and drift and join together and part and reform for eternity.
In sadness and despair I ran and I ran and I ran to the shelter of my mothers arms.
Mother of mine, o mother of mine. Help me, please. Tell me why I feel this way.
I pressed my face into her. Still warm apron and the old smells it held began to make me feel better inside.
Oh my darling. Blood of my blood. You know that my heart beats in time with yours. When I was your age I felt exactly the same way. The problem is your heart is to big to be alone. And with only you inside, it feels like an empty place.
It needs someone in there with you to help fill it up. This is why your whole life feels as if some large nameless part is missing.
I asked and I begged.
Oh mother of mine, could you come and live in here with me?
Me sweet, my love. If I could I would. But I left my heart and now I live in your fathers heart.
This is for you
If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain - This is for you
When I was smaller. When I was a child. One minute worrying, the next not having a care. I woke up and got dressed and did all the things that you do all day.
All the feelings you feel all day long. Feeling scared and then feeling brave and then feeling scared again. All day long every thought and blink and fear. you only dare to share with yourself.
And then for the first time I begin to feel very alone.
I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought. I walked and I thought.
And still this feeling of being alone stayed and lingered inside me.
It's not that i feel alone because I have no friends. I have lots of friends.
I know that I have people who can hold me. And reassure me. And talk to me. And care for me. And think of me. But they can't be inside my head with me all the time - for all time.
I mean, well what I really mean I can't easily explain. Except in this thing called ME. That's the very problem - it is always just me. Myself alone. And it just isn't enough.
I tried to ask other people if they felt this way as well and they all said no, never, not at all... Until I felt as if I was going mad.
I cried and I screamed at the sky. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. But the clouds were indifferent to my tears and why should they care. They float and drift and join together and part and reform for eternity.
In sadness and despair I ran and I ran and I ran to the shelter of my mothers arms.
Mother of mine, o mother of mine. Help me, please. Tell me why I feel this way.
I pressed my face into her. Still warm apron and the old smells it held began to make me feel better inside.
Oh my darling. Blood of my blood. You know that my heart beats in time with yours. When I was your age I felt exactly the same way. The problem is your heart is to big to be alone. And with only you inside, it feels like an empty place.
It needs someone in there with you to help fill it up. This is why your whole life feels as if some large nameless part is missing.
I asked and I begged.
Oh mother of mine, could you come and live in here with me?
Me sweet, my love. If I could I would. But I left my heart and now I live in your fathers heart.